Friday, July 20, 2012



dear father, it has been 8 days since my last post.

I was very good at the beginning of this trip..but god knows that fades. And nobody noticed besides dan. Which brings me to my next point…. i write this post not only because i need to since i haven't in a long time, but per dan schmall's request. Thank you dan, for giving me that extra nudge I needed. I also have a few pictures that relate to the previous post: “dan schmall”
So let me update you. My mom and grandma came to visit me here in Slovak land, aka in central Europe because in reality we were only here for a day. They arrived in Vienna so we stayed there a few days, then came back to ‘Brat-i-slo-vak-en-ia’ then we went to Budapest. Vienna and Budapest were truly something else. However, I wish that mom and gma stayed longer so I could escape from work longer and see more places. I’m poor without them and can’t afford to go anywhere else. I had planned on it but then I found out I couldn’t……complications. Details, details.. (ludo)

Gma and mom visiting was interesting to say the least. Interestingly fantastic. I think that my grandma should have her own show. It should be called “shit my grandma says” I didn’t realize that I should be doing this until like the last day, but why hadn’t I been writing down the things that this woman was saying? All I gotta say is lady knows what she wants and what she believes. And she will get it at whosever or whatever expense.

this is from st. stephens basilica in budapeset. just from my iphone. I only climbed 500 stairs to get up there. i was embarrassingly tired….
this man's legs are what i got to star at all train ride. ironman bag. irondan?
mom ordered a tomato salad at the train station. they ain't jokin when they say tomato salad.


mom and gma from bratislava castle

 me and mom from ze castle

overlookin budapest 

schonbrunn castle in vienna

if you are readign this the chances are that you already saw these on fb. you'll get over it.


Episode one (Pilot episode) of “Shit my Grandma Says”:

Gma: "he must support obama...all those people who cheat on their wives support obama"

Gma on lady in shop: "the lady didn't even speak English, I literally couldn’t believe it, she should be required to speak English" (grandma, you can't say that when you're in another country. Especially Slovak land)

Waiter at literally the nicest restaurant in Slovak: “would you care for any more wine?”
Grandma: "not now I wouldn’t! all i want is that check, i don't want more wine if you aren't going to wait on me better. i'll go to a bar"

mom  - "do i want those tickets?"
gma - "from venus?"
mom - "vienna?"

Me: “ok so we’re just gonna hop on the tram and it’ll take us right to our hotel. Its like one euro 40 cents for both of you”
Gma: “I have luggage, Kathryn”…as she is already walking up to a taxi. That cost 25 euros. For a 5 minute ride.

Grandma’s names for Bratislava: Bratislavia, Yugoslavia – followed by “I didn’t know Yugoslavia was still a country” (Bratislava is a capitol), Bracticslovakia, Slovenia, Czechoslovakia, Bractica, Czech Republic, Slovatislavia (these are real)…list goes on and on. But this is similar to any other person.

Guest Starring: Mom: reminiscing about when she bought her passport: “When I had to renew my passport, it asked what country I was going to, I put Bratislava” (Bratislava is a city, we’re in slovakia)

Grandma when my mom suggest we visit an art museum: "Well, I’ll tell you this much, I don’t do art museums, I don’t want to look at other peoples art, maybe if I drew it I’d be interested, but why would I care about someone else’s?"

Grandma at a very casual pizza restaurant: "what kind of wine do u have? I don’t want it if its not good.
Waiter: “We have (insert Slovak brand)”
Grandma: “You don’t have _____, _____, or _____? I guess you could bring me a sample”
(Waiter brings sample)
Grandma: “ugh, it’ll have to do I guess. I’ll take a glass. But don’t put it in the same one you just gave me that in”

me upon greeting mom and gma as they arrive: "i bought you guys some wine, chocolate and flowers!"
gma: "Kathryn you didn't need to do that, how sweet of you. I brought vodka"

me: “I really hope I don’t have an ugly baby”
gma: “Oh Kathryn come on, no babies are ugly”
me: you literally just said “uncle phil was not the best thing to look at when he was born, but look at him now”
gma: "well..ok"

gma: "kathryn, when you start to wear make up...."
me: “gma, i am wearing make up today. and im 20.”

Gma: "Mary, whats the bathroom like? im not using one of those nasty holes. Guess I won’t be going to the bathroom for a while"
Gma talking about money: “Kathryn, $100,000 a year is not a lot. That’s nothing”
Me: ok..well..depends Grandma.. the average income is like $50,000.

And that’s a wrap of Episode 1: “Shit my Grandma Says”


If you’re still reading this post, I suppose I will go on and talk about a few more things. However, I understand if you are not.

While I put these quotes up here, don’t get me wrong, I love my grandma with all my heart, and she was more than generous to me on this trip and I am forever grateful for it. She never failed to make me laugh and I am extremely glad she came to visit me here. I know it couldn’t have been easy on the plane ride and all the logistics involved. Luh u grams.

NEW TOPIC: water.

Finally bought still water at the gas station
ME: 2

NEW TOPIC: martin.

Honest to god martin smells so bad. He needs to go. I want to throw up every time I walk into our dorm. This is mean, but it’s getting out of control. Thank god I can shut my door and have windows. Sick wit it.

Since a lot of things occurred, im going to go back to the good ol' number list. 

1. Shopping on this trip was….kind of non existent. Not because we didn't want to shop, because we did, and we went into many stores. I think I ended the entire thing buying like two shirts or something. This is because every effing store has like 4 stories. NO, I do not want to go up to the 7th floor to check out. NO, I will not go to the 4th floor to look at the shirts you are selling. It essentially came down to me not wanting to go anywhere except the floor I entered the store on. I have  a) confirmed my laziness b) confirmed the fact that flat stores would be more successful than stores with stories  (In kat world) c) realize that if that was the case it would take up a  lot of space d) confirmed that buying clothes obviously is not that important to me. At least not important enough for me to go up or down a floor.
2. If there is a long line, I will also not be purchasing anything. I would rather run a track race than wait in a long line at a store. Even if I have some things in my hand… If i see a line I don't like.. I'll put them back and hope the next store's line is shorter. Clothes = not worth it
3. I'm Brazilian. When we were in Vienna one day, 3 different people asked me if I was Brazilian. And then were extremely surprised to find out I was from Iowa. What are these people in Vienna smoking? The same thing they are smoking in Amsterdam probably.
4. So many souvenir shops were selling cups and stuff that said "California" or "San Francisco" NO, I would not like to purchase a mug from the country I came from. I'd like to purchase something from your country if you don't mind.
5. People on the subway. i could go on for hours about these people. I'll start off by saying that they are stupid and rude. And actually I think I'll end it there. It surprises me because in Bratislava, if someone gets on the tram who looks like they need a seat, like 3 people hop up out of theirs to offer it up. But on the subway in Vienna, you have idiots standing at the door blocking it when there is a ton of space on the inside. Idiots.
6. I'm going to use number 6 to simply state I hate stupid people that don't use their heads.
Now i'm all worked up.
7. Mom and I went to this pizza place in Vienna one night while gma went back to room to rest, and no jokes, the bathroom was in the freezer. I called it the zerlet. get it? freezer + toilet? and actually I just made that up, I didn't call it anything at the time. Just thought it was odd…. And even though it was in the wasn't cold inside. I know, I was expecting my bum to stick to the ice toilet.
8. Spatial Recognition. Until this trip, I thought I literally had the poorest spatial recognition on this planet. Until I figured out where I got it from, and figured that it only gets progressively better down the line of Middleton women. My grandma's is absolutely awful. My mom's is awful. and now mine i just considered bad. So I should consider myself grateful? It was like I was the only one who knew that we just came from where that giant castle was over there, and not where that giant basilica was over there. (NO OFFENSE MOM IF YOU'RE READING THIS!)
9. My gma wanted to buy some good cigars for my uncle, so she asked our waiter at the bar in one of our hotels. He sent us to this place called 1516. He said not only do they sell great cigars, but the restaurant is fantastic. So during the day, we were walking around, and had planend on going there for lunch. I went up to these men in front of the opera house (who were dressed in their opera clothes…) and asked them where to find it. One of the guys just said "OOOOOOHHHHH" and I said, "what", and he just smiled at me and looked at his friend. I said what, whats wrong with it? And he said, " you look for boyfriend?" and I said no..why? and he said "this where single women go to find boyfriend" and was just gigglin gigglin gigglin. Bottom line is this man thought i was lookin for love. or a hook up, whatever.

seth always visits me in unexpected places

passed out in the train station. people who owned it woke him up a total of 3 times

hope i don't forget what number to call for a taxi

guy at starbucks: can i get your name?
me: kathryn
guy at starbucks writes: kathzin

budapest castle. amazing.

SO YEAH, this post is already too long. but if you read it. awesome. if you saw how long it was and x'd out. understood. peace and love

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